crash diet recovery

binge eating. wonderful and guilty at the same time. past. me and my past. lack of love,

crash diet recovery, self love. under acknowledged. binge eating is seen as messy and gross and disgustingand out of control.

i don't think people see thatas being serious and it is. it's an emotional disease. for me, a binge was a normal meal so it still felt uncontrollable. when i binge, my brain blanks out. i have no control over what i'mdoing and it's hard to stop. feeling so stressed out orfeeling a certain way about your body that you can't stop eating and you use it as a coping mechanism.

shame. you know those things that you remember forever as like, the thing you said wrong or that one time youshouldn't have done something. i have a lot of memories that feel that way around eating something. i associate binge eating with being fat and that's something thatstill scares me a little bit. i think some people usethat term kind of loosely.

like somebody would belike, oh i binged last night on chips or something like that. i think it's kind of adefinite misuse of that word. there's somethingunderneath that makes you want to binge, it's not a reallyjust like, this desire to eat. binge eating is somethingthat i learned as a child would help me suppress the uncomfortablefeeling in my stomach that i had when i wasin a traumatic state. it is, it's a fog.

when you're literally eating more foodthan your body can actually take in and hold. it's incredibly painful physically and after a binge you just think that you're literally the mostdisgusting, despicable piece of trash on the planet. misunderstood. it’s this feeling of worthlessness and this powerlessness. for all eating disorders,it's all the same. it's a scary thing becausewith drugs and alcohol

or any other addictionthere's a very clear line, but with food, it's so blurry,where do you draw the line with that, is it the secondslice of pizza or the fifth?