♪ there she goes like a shooting star ♪ ♪ she got fireworks in her heart ♪ ♪ lighting up this world... ♪ (women laughing) (woman)you guys.you never slept with him.
diet for ladies over 50, you don't knowwhat you're missing. (woman 2)no way! it's crazy. hi.
are you lost? um, i'm sorry. i just-- i loveall of you, i can't-- (laughing)i can't believeyou're here. you're, like,literally my heroes. (julia)god, you look familiar. are you that girlfrom the television who talks about herpussy all the time? yes!
that-- yes, thank you. how fun.well, come sit. please. (laughing)come on. yeah. come talk aboutyour pussy over here. (amy giggling) is it-- is itsomeone's birthday or-- oh.
kind of the opposite. we're celebrating julia'slast fuckable day. (julia)yes, salud. woo!woohoo! um, i'm sorry, did you sayjulia's last fuckable day? mm-hmm. what is that? in every actress' life, the media decideswhen you finally
reach the point where you're notbelievably fuckable anymore. but-- i mean,how do you know? who tells you? well, nobody--nobody really overtly tells you, right. but there are signs. you, like--you know how sally field was tom hanks'love interest in "punchline" and then,like, 20 minutes later,
she was his momin "forest gump"? or you might getoffered a romcom with jack nicholsonwhere you're competing with another womanto fuck him. i just had an auditionfor mrs. claus. you're kidding me. i read for that part. you did? i read for that, too.
(julia)you did? yes. hey, who got that? j.lo. (gasping)oh, she'll be good. she's gonna be really good. (julia)really good. or you go to a movie set, you go to wardrobeand the only thing
they have for you to wearare long sweaters, like cover you uphead to toe kind of thing. right, or, like,the poster for your movie is just, like, a pictureof a kitchen. with these very upliftingand yet vague titles, like, "whatever it takes"or "she means well." that kindof thing, right? another common sign is when theystart remaking your best movies with younger,more fuckable actresses.
i guess they're making "boyhood"with selena gomez in my part. that's gonna makea lot of money. i don't understand.you're all so fuckable. like, believe me, no onewas more surprised than me that they let me stay fuckablethroughout my 40s and the fact that itcontinued into my 50s. this was just like,thanks, but... i thought that us weeklyhad made some sort of a clerical erroror something.
tell me about it.if you shoot a sex scene the night beforeyour birthday, everyone is like,hurry up, hurry up, we gotta get itbefore midnight, 'cause they thinkyour vagina is gonna turninto a hermit crab. uh-huh. well, is there anythingyou can do to delay it? yeah, i mean, you can try,but it only makes it worse,
like thosereal housewives. they try to look young, but then they end uplooking like a purse that meltedin a car accident. they look like when a kiddraws a face on its hand. but what about men?like, who tells men when it's theirlast fuckable day? (all laughing) honey, men don'thave that day.
never. well, they'refuckable forever. they could be 100 and, like,nothing but white spiders coming out,but they're fuckable. i didn't get this commerciallast week for aarp because the directorsaid i was too old to play larry king's wife. i heard that bruce willis just got engaged to a girlwho is 24 years younger than him
and i heard thatshe's an actual baby lamb. what?really? mm, google it. so, wait, are you guys,like, bummed at all? (julia)what?no. are you kidding me? i'm thrilled. ecstatic. i mean, i don't haveto deal with this,
maintaining this anymore. i mean, it's just such--it's a godsend. i can growmy pubes out, it's-- look at this. see this ice cream? it's been sittingout here for an hour. you wanna know why? watch this, baby. (all chanting)chug, chug, chug, chug!
chug, chug, chug, chug! (amy chuckling)oh, my god!woo! (belching) whoa! (laughing) (farting) oh, whoa. (tina)hilo ! (julia)all right. you knowwhat's next.
let's go dothis thing. where are we going? to do the ritual. and then we puther in the boat and we push her outinto the water and we drink champagneto salute how fuckable she wasfor so many years. it's nice. (julia)yeah, it's really nice.
(all shouting)cheers. (laughing) and where is she going? home. wait, what? tina, no! seriously, relax. she's justgoing to her house. i gotta get clothes that i'vegot to get out of the dryer.
(exhaling) okay, i was right. she's an actual baby lamb. (julia)can i see it? good for them. i'm out. okay, bye,i'll see you. (kissing) what are you doing?
i'm just gonna, um,go home and wax my beard.
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